The (Way Too Late) MLB Playoff Predictions – Round 2!
Tampa Bay Vs. New York
The Yankees and Giancarlo Stanton start off with a huge win in game one. To celebrate the next day in San Diego the team goes to the beach and they bury Clint Frazier in the sand. Not really knowing what sand is Frazier dies trying to climb out. Aaron Judge and Stanton try to see who can eat more California burritos, and Aaron Judge…dies. Then on the way to Petco Gleyber Torres takes a pedicab, which collides with a bird scooter and…he dies. Then Gerrit Cole…dies. Rays in 5.
Atlanta Vs. Miami
In a classic battle between Hotlanta and Miami Vice, Big Boi from OutKast throws out the first pitch, but is tackled by Uncle Luke before he gets the throw off. This starts a dugout clearing brawl that leaves no player or coach untouched. Everyone is thrown out and the game is given to Miami on the basis that 2 Live Crew were severely underrated. In an epic troll move Marcell Ozuna & Ronald Acuna wear giant gold chains blinding the Marlins pitchers for the rest of the series and never lose another game. Braves in 4.
San Diego Vs. Clayton Kershaw
In the series that most every Baseball fan wanted it’s a bloodbath. Back and forth with neither team giving an inch. However, in a decisive game 5 the Dodgers turn to their longtime ace – Kershaw. The Padres in turn start their ace – Craig Stammen. The Padres bats are silenced until the 3rd inning when the Padres remember it’s the playoffs and it’s Kershaw. Tatis and Machado go back-to-back while Wil Myers hits a bomb so hard off Kershaw it literally makes him cry – Myers and Kershaw both. While Myers rounds the bases Kershaw takes himself out of the game and Dave Roberts signals the white flag. Padres in 5.
Oakland Vs. Houston
Man, fuck Carlos Correa. Oakland in 5.