The Padres went to Chicago for a three game series. They introduced themselves to Kris Bryant and beat him. James Shields smoked the little punk and it was great. I started an email discussion with my friend Nick Burmeister on Friday. Nick is the man behind the Padres Haiku twitter account. We both grew up in San Diego and we’re both children of Tony. Ted Leitner is our uncle.

NICHOLAS MCCANN April 17^th 9:34pm PST

Hey fellow Twitter destroyer,

The Padres beat the Cubs 5-4 today, #KrisBryantDay. Chicago had a new toy to show off and James Shields, while not in his best performance, struck him out three times in front of Scott Boras, the country, and his Dad. Kris Bryant will be a star in this league, but San Diego didn’t let him blow up. I caught most of the game on the Mighty 1090am radio broadcast. Ted Leitner and Bob Scanlan were on point with everything they said throughout what I was able to hear.

I still don’t understand why Uncle Teddy is as polarizing as he seems to be around town. I think he understands the rhythm of the game. He knows the correct pauses and he’s goofy in a lame way that you want from a local guy who has been around forever. People always seem to criticism him, but I think he is above any scrutiny like that. He is our guy. More importantly, he is our dog whistle, operating at a frequency that only our fanbase can hear and appreciate. I might not know any better, but Leitner has stayed around long enough to stop me from really knowing anyone else. There’s merit in that.

I’m listening to the rest of the series on the radio. I ride with Uncle Teddy.

NICK BURMEISTER April 18^th 9:21am PST

Chris should be spelled with a “C,” unless of course it’s Kris Bryant, in his case “K,” is more appropriate.

Yeah I like Uncle Teddy too. It might be because he was teamed with Jerry Coleman for as long as he was and I, like the rest of San Diego, loved and revered the Colonel.

I remember Ted on the Channel 8 News when I was a kid and hearing him rip into the NHL for allowing fighting. His hockey highlights were all fights. He was always super opinionated on the evening news sports segment when few sportscasters did anything except read scores. He was critical of Benito Santiago for not hustling. People didn’t like that.

Someone told me that they didn’t like that he sounded like five different people. Which is a valid point but not everyone can be as constant as Scully or boring as the Giants radio guy whose name I don’t know. Ted is who he is. My daughter is going to grow up with Uncle Teddy as her Colonel. That’s not awful.

People really hate Enberg, I get that. He messes up names and sometimes doesn’t describe the action clearly.

Scans is gem in the making.

The Cubs beat the Padres 6-7.

NICHOLAS MCCANN April 18^th 6:43pm PST

I hate this Kris Bryant kid. I hate that Enberg, Mudcat, Scans and Ted Leitner can’t stop mentioning that he went to USD. We get it. We have a connection. At the time he was drafted, the old Padres wouldn’t have paid for him if they had the pick.

I think Bob Scanlan is pretty special. I always learn something when I listen to him. I feel the same way about Mudcat. I think Mark Grant and Ted Leitner are very similar. They both experienced their primes with other partners. Teddy will never work with anybody more iconic than Jerry Coleman and Grant will probably never achieve the heights that he and Matt Vasgersian had in the middle of the last decade. Let’s face it, up until Preller’s December (the title of my new alt-country album), Matty Vas was the most talented person the Padres had employed in the Petco Park era. I used to tune into Matt and Mudcat just for their show. Now Grant is way too in awe of Dick Enberg. It’s not comfortable. It always feels like Dick is just doing a victory lap at the end of an undeniably storied career. He doesn’t want Mark Grant to get in the way and Mudcat is letting him have too much control.

Bob Scanlan and Ted Leitner feel more natural. Today I’m listening to the game on the radio while watching on TV. It’s pretty great.

Also, Teddy reads ad copy like monster. Nobody can touch him.

NICK BURMEISTER April 19^th 10:21am PST

No one has sold more Metafast and Ruth’s Chris sweet potatoes than Uncle Teddy. This makes him a paradox. At least that’s what I’m calling it. Paradox.

I don’t mind the USD mentions but I agree that it can get old. They slobber all over Strasburg still. They always mention any San Diego natives the Padres play against (See: Hamels, Gonzalez, Adam Jones). Do broadcast teams in other markets do the same thing? I lived in the NY:Philly market for a while and never heard them mention opposing players that were locals.

Do the Padres have any Boras clients? Didn’t Kevin Towers and Scott Boras have some sort of beef that caused Towers to ban all Boras clients? Maybe it was a Sheffield thing.

Ted and Scans were a great combo and so were Ted and Andy Masur. Andy had a way of calling Ted a bullshitter without offending him that was really unique. Also, I’m ready to move on from Enberg. He was one of the greats, but it might be time for him to hang it up.

Losing this game in extra innings was kinda blah. The takeaway from this game isn’t that Bryant is any good (he will be), or that the Padres lost (nearly won), it’s that the Cubs bullpen is suspect. This Cubs team is too young to win late in the season and without a reliable bullpen they probably won’t even make the playoffs.

The Padres beat the Cubs 5-2 and won the series.

NICHOLAS MCCANN April 19^th 3:01pm PST

I love this Padres team. I’m so in the bag, it’s really scary. Teddy and Scans drilled it today and so did Mudcat and Enberg. These are our guys and when the Padres are good they don’t get in the way. This is fun. Hit me with a hot haiku, dog!

NICK BURMEISTER April 19th 5:59pm PST

If Padres win games

I’d listen to dying goat

Do the play by play

 Follow Nick on twitter @padreshaiku