You’re Just Now Upset?

You’re Just Now Upset?

There has been so much made of this Acee article that I had no choice to sit down and write my own. I mean, why not? Who cares? Its all noise anyway. Everything that anyone writes on the topic of Padres spending is background noise to a quiet funeral happening in another room.

With all due respect to Padres Jagoff* and his article earlier this month: writing about why the Padres aren’t spending money is as useful as me writing about twitter polls.

Here’s a tip from a lifelong Padres fan who spent his summers at the Murph watching Tony steal bases and the Beach Boys July jam – this ownership group will never spend the money you want them to.

Why would they?

They have great overall attendance, albiet thats slipping but not significantly enough to move the needle, they have a fantastic ballpark experience off the field, and they do just enough to keep us talking which keeps them slightly relevant.

They care about fielding a competitive team about as much as I do about podcasts. Why else would they sign Hosmer? He was a decoy. A slight of hand. He’s a moronic racist Trump tweet that gets you angry while secretly the government steals your money.

No matter how you want to look at it, realistically Hosmer didn’t pan out. I have no doubt this scares Uncle Ron and Petey Pie into shying away from spending more money on another talent that possibly/probably won’t pan out. I can’t really blame them. When is the last time one of their splurges did pan out? They never have. Some could argue they haven’t splurged enough! Some could argue that Preller might not know what he’s doing at the Major League level, and some could argue who gives a shit this is how its always been except for like three years out of the past 35!

Friends always want to point out the late aughts as an era in which the Padres were putting together scrappy contenders, which is true, but definitely wasn’t their intention. They gave us just enough to get swept by Cardinals teams that were actually trying to win. I mean, Mike Piazza?! GTFO.

The Padres have never been and will never be a large market team, but they have been in the market of deception. We all feel they should be spending money because this is San Diego! One of the greatest cities in the world! Everyone wants to play here, right?!


But, they don’t want to play for them. Not for Uncle Ron and Petey Pie. Not for Andy Green, and not for a general manager who keeps a deflated basketball in his backpack and lives at his mom’s house. We want Machado, at least most of us do, but what is the benefit for Machado? You could argue he would turn the franchise around, and with Hosmer, a realized Tatis and rotation that could actually happen. COULD. Or, he could go play for a franchise with a history of winning whenever they want to and a well-nourished understanding about branding and talent. He could go play for competence.

I love how we all get so mad at Acee or Posner or me in a few minutes. We get so mad at the ownership and their complete lack of interest in a dynasty that we start in-fighting. It’s somehow more interesting for me and Miserable SD Fan to argue than it is to keep up with the day-to-day of JumboTrons and overpriced IPAs. It’s somehow more interesting to watch Brewer and Koke and Marver and everyone murder each other all day because it’s the only plotlines that seem to resonate for a group of fans with nothing else to win.

The team has turned us on each other, and the press, and has forced us all to learn about budgeting.

I don’t think we should ride a beat reporter for his lack of investigation, but I know why we feel the need to. We want answers and only a select few have the ability to give us those answers and we expect those with access to open the floodgates; we make these demands irrationally and with complete disregard for reality but WE STILL MAKE THEM CAUSE WHAT ELSE ARE WE GONNA DO GET JACKED FOR IAN KINSLER?!

2019 is gonna be a bust, so will all the other seasons. There are so many things not working for this organization that it’s a domino effect of disenfranchised fans, disingenuous ownership, and a media core that has no incentive to dig deeper (FYI if the argument is that their incentive is readership then you’ve already lost you’re own argument).

We can protest, we can riot, we can even boycott as some folks have begun to call for. It won’t change a thing. Old rich white men and Internet trolls are the same people: They’re never wrong, can’t be reasoned with, and if you shit all over them it won’t change their minds it will only justify their shitting all over you.

So, what’s the point of all this? There isn’t one! No one has one! The inspired work that some have done doesn’t necessarily uncover a secret truth. We all knew our team was cheap, its called “The San Diego Discount” for a reason. The inspired work has just armed us with factual information we all assumed to be true that will help guide us in our next steps.

Don’t fool yourself and think that hating Acee, or the U-T, or each other, or being affirmed in your feelings about Padres brass being cheap will change anything. They’ll ride their sinking ship until the league forces them out just to show you they can.

Padres 2019: Pwned.

*Jagoff’s article was amazing, and a true testament to my continued argument that “free media” is the only true media left. I told him face to face how much I love him and his work, and I hope he doesn’t take this post as an insult. 

For more expert sports stuff, and things you probably won’t care about, follow me on Twitter @dallas_mc

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Dallas McLaughlin is a writer and performer for the Emmy-winning Yo! Gabba Gabba! and The Aquabats! Super Show! He's also worked as a consultant for Disney Television Animation, Nickelodeon, and Fox Sports. A diehard San Diego sports fan, Dallas has written passionately against the DH and in favor of Padre Brown for, The Sports Minute, Fox Sports, Voice of San Diego, San Diego Magazine, and is one of the founding members of The Kept Faith. A professional standup comedian who's performed with Norm McDonald, Chris Hardwick, Dave Attell, Jeff Garlin, and many more. He recently won San Diego's Funniest Person Contest, and has been featured on FoxRox, Tonight in San Diego, and was a DJ on FM94/9 for over seven years. Dallas has spent over two decades on stage as an actor, award-winning playwright and director. In his spare time, Dallas likes to eat burritos, drink beer, and talk to his wife about her dislike for Harry Connick, Jr.

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