The Day-to-Day Padres Fan Must Die

The Day-to-Day Padres Fan Must Die

You’re exhausting.

You’re ridiculous. You’re a joke. Not a funny one. A sad one. A Jay Leno monologue joke.

If your fandom relies on the box score of every game played then get out.

If you want to stay then stop with the moronic tweets and ignorant posts that the Padres suck, or that it’s the same old story just a different cast. It’s not. We are in a new era of ownership putting their money where their mouth is, the genius of AJ Preller finally being able to play out (I still maintain he acquired all those players back in 2015, so he could eventually reshape the farm system, but whatever.) and players who actually want to play together.

I know we all got very excited about what this season meant for the Padres. Maybe for some, just a tad too excited. Excitement turned into warped expectations. This season is supposed to be a turning point. An about-face from years previous. The owners made a splash. They paid an actual real star to come play here. They promoted Paddack and Tatis well before anyone expected. This isn’t the same old story.

They appear to be committed to winning…but no one said they would win THIS season. In fact, if you paid attention to anything other than your own thoughts then you would’ve heard or seen or read something that would have told you that the plan was a playoff run in 2020 and beyond.

Anything that happens this season is a bonus. A treat. Icing on a hopefully very large and very long cake.


How someone can root for this squad based on day-to-day games is relentlessly pathetic. Choosing between living and dying with wins and losses, instead of just sitting back and enjoying the change in tone is a self-created bubble of shit. The people who live in that bubble never wanted the new direction, they wanted to pout and complain and have hot takes. Or worse, they thought the World Series was won on the fifth game of the season. How quickly are you owed something you didn’t even know was possible, you mindless brat.

If this is the kind of fan you want to be then move on. We don’t need your kind sucking wind when the brown comes back and shades of dookie cover Petco while we wave flags and cheer for the team we grew with.

Trust me, I’ve been when you are. I’ve lived your sadness. I can literally call every time someone first-pitch swings into a double-play. But, is that because every Padres team and player sucks or is it because we’ve just been watching bad teams for so long, that when one person does something bad we recognize it before most would?

Breath. Let the first month of the season wrap you tight like a warm, chinchilla skin blanket. Let the bloom of Spring pollinate your heart and enjoy what you’ve never had before – relevance and prominence.

If you can’t, then get the fuck out of this town or Sheriff Paddack will kick you out with his big teal boots.

For more expert sports stuff, and things you probably won’t care about, follow me on Twitter @dallas_mc

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Written By :

Dallas McLaughlin is a writer and performer for the Emmy-winning Yo! Gabba Gabba! and The Aquabats! Super Show! He's also worked as a consultant for Disney Television Animation, Nickelodeon, and Fox Sports. A diehard San Diego sports fan, Dallas has written passionately against the DH and in favor of Padre Brown for, The Sports Minute, Fox Sports, Voice of San Diego, San Diego Magazine, and is one of the founding members of The Kept Faith. A professional standup comedian who's performed with Norm McDonald, Chris Hardwick, Dave Attell, Jeff Garlin, and many more. He recently won San Diego's Funniest Person Contest, and has been featured on FoxRox, Tonight in San Diego, and was a DJ on FM94/9 for over seven years. Dallas has spent over two decades on stage as an actor, award-winning playwright and director. In his spare time, Dallas likes to eat burritos, drink beer, and talk to his wife about her dislike for Harry Connick, Jr.

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